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Intro to Day 4

June 9, 2010

I know that I need to complete the birth story, but right now the whole thing is too much for me to even think about writing down.  I got mostly the physical part down but after the birth is when a lot of the emotional stuff started to surface but in order for DAY 4 to make sense, there is some back story that needs to be explained.

*I was in room 4100, it was the closest to the nurses station.  They put me there because I was the most critical patient on the floor.  I didn’t realize that until we were leaving when my mom mentioned it.  Sobbing ensued.

*Because of the blood loss, I was not able to carry on a conversation if my eyes were open.  If you were talking to me, I could listen to you with my eyes open but if I was to respond, I needed to have my eyes closed.  It was too taxing on my system to keep my eyes open and talk at the same time! (Holy crap, I think this blog should be used as birth control for teens!)

*Bella’s first day alive I was not able to hold her by myself.  Her second day alive, I was able to hold her by myself as long as someone else was in the room  and I could not walk with her, I had to give her to N if I wanted to change from the bed to the chair and he would have to give her back to me.  Her third day, I was strongly encouraged to not walk too far while holding her without adult supervision.  lucky me, I needed adult supervision to hold my own daughter

*Our first visit with the lactation consultant was on Day 1, N had to take notes because I wasn’t even able to keep my eyes open to see how to get Bella to latch.  He had to physically hold my breast because I had no strength. Enter mommy guilt, Bella’s first food wasn’t from me, it was a bottle in the nursery, why? Oh that’s right, I was losing too much blood to even hold my daughter, angry much, not me!

*Before we were discharged, I requested another consultation with a LC as Bella didn’t seem to be getting enough milk.  She was nursing for up to an hour on a breast at a time and still screaming when I would take her off.  My nippled were cracked and bleeding and it was very painful.  This LC was great, she gave us a lot of great information and got our hopes up that Bella and I could work well together. beware, more mommy guilt ahead

*Did I mention the blood transfusion?  Oh yeah, I needed to have two bags of blood.  Not one, but two.  I ended up with a blown out IV (huge bruise that took 3 weeks to go away) and a effen’ blood transfusion.  Who does this shit?  I thought my sister’s birth experience was bad.  She got to 4 cm and failed to progress any further as her son’s head was stuck behind her pubic bone, he started having heart decels and she needed a C-section.  I had told myself that if I waited until 5 cm dilated before I got my epi that everything would be ok.  Like 5 cm was some magic number, I don’t know what I was thinking but I swear, nowhere in my birth plan did it say I wanted a blood transfusion.  Good god, holy shit!


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