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Why is this so hard?

July 7, 2010

First thing first, a little update on B’s tummy issues.  We saw the Dr last week because B wasn’t pooping and was just not doing so well.  We walked in and B was sleeping so peacefully but as soon as we took her diaper off to get a weight check, she started screaming.  By the time the Dr got back to see us, she basically just looked as us and said, “yup, we’re going to the Alimentum.”  That means that poor B has a protein sensitivity, most likely to diary and soy (but we aren’t 100% sure) so she is on that new formula and I am still on my diet but I no longer can have soy products.  B was also put on Zantac for her acid reflux.  Seriously?!?  The poor thing and her tummy issues just don’t seem to want to stop.

Now I know that I shouldn’t be so broken up over this, but why is this so hard?  I keep finding myself asking, why us and then I feel terrible.  I know that I should be happy that I am alive and have my uterus, the B is a healthy child (with the exception of tummy issues) and that I am in a very loving relationship with N.  I can normally look on the bright side to almost all situations and I think that I’m known to be a pretty happy person in general but I can’t seem to shake this, omg why me, why us feeling.

This week, I am super struggling with if I should still pump to give B breast milk.  I don’t know if some of her continued tummy issues are from something that I am still eating and I hate to think that it’s something that is in my diet that could be causing her pain.  I could seriously cry just thinking about it.  For someone who hated the thought of breastfeeding, I don’t know why this is hitting me so hard.  Maybe I just need to get over the “loss” of all the preconceived notions that I had about being a mom and roll with the punches more.  I mean, no one has been though this same EXAXT situation that N, B and I are going through so while getting advice from others is great, I have to remember that this is a new situation and we just have to do what’s right for us.  The most important thing to me is that B stays as pain free as possible.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. Gramma S permalink
    July 8, 2010 12:24 pm

    You and N are doing everything possible to make B more comfortable. It is so hard when she is so young and can’t express what hurts! You can’t help B’s tummy issues as far as feeling guilty about something you are doing that may be causing her tummy issues. You have given B the utterly most important start in life by breastfeeding as long as you have. I am so very proud of you and N as parents and if I could, I would take all of B’s pain!

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