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I’m angry

July 13, 2010

I’m angry over Beanie’s birth.  I have pretty much come to terms with the terrible situation that was her birth but when I read other women’s birth stories and how angry they after going through a fraction of the shit that I had to endure, I get super pissed.  I fully understand that each woman, strike that, each family has the right to feel however they want about their birth experience but I just get so angry when these woman are bitchy about having a section and ending up with a scar.

They’re pissed because they had a “failed induction” or pissed because their birth experience wasn’t what they dreamed of, I totally understand that, I really do but I feel like screaming “get over yourself!”  This isn’t a pissing contest that I’m trying to “win” by having more complications, believe me, I would give my Tiffany jewelry up to have a “normal” birth and uncomplicated first 2 months of Bella’s life.  It really has been one trial after another, but I feel like if I’ve been able to deal with this then why can’t they?

I guess this is just another way of me dealing with this “trauma” that happened to my family (I say that because I do realize this had an impact on a lot of my loved ones) I am just angry now and I hate being angry.

The stages of grief are:

1)Denial

2)Anger

3)Barganning

4)Depression

5)Acceptance

I feel like I’ve gone backwards, I’ve had the depression (finally cleared around 7 weeks, 6 days), the denial, the acceptance and now the anger but I never thought I would displace my anger towards other women.

Wow, a little rambly, sorry readers for that.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. Leah permalink
    July 13, 2010 11:04 pm

    I can understand not wanting to hear women who had c-sections bitch about a scar…but I do understand being upset at having what might have been unnecessary surgery that affects baby & mom negatively for the convenience of the hospital. From what you’ve told me your c-section sounded pretty necessary. I had a totally healthy, normal vaginal birth (by modern hospital standards) and I am still pretty bitter about my experience at the hospital. So bitter and afraid of hospital procedure that I half want to go run into the woods when the time comes! Don’t get me wrong, I am really really grateful I didn’t have a c-section or complications but I was misinformed, lied to, scolded (for crying in pain), not allowed to move, cause of the fetal monitor, to relieve my labor pains, high pressured into an epidural and then forced to push on my back causing a major tear in my perineum that has effected my sex life. So, no I didn’t have a dangerous birth or lasting physical scar, but I feel I was abused and that still makes me angry. The reality is that c-section are done more and more for the interest of the hospital and not the woman & child and that IS something we breeders should be pissed about!

    It’s all relative, imagine what the women of the 3rd world giving birth in war-zones might say of our experiences.

    On a side note, I recently read something about the number of women with flat or unfit-for-birth pelvises may stem from us spending a lot less time squatting through out our childhood…interesting. Imagine our ancestors squatting to do their chores or around the fire for hours a day. Maybe we should be making sure our little girls get lots of squat time!

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