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My heart is happy

September 6, 2010
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I’ve  heard parents say that they fell in love with their child immediately upon birth but I had also heard that there were some women who didn’t and they felt tremendous guilt because of that.  Leading up to Bella’s birth, that was just another thing that I was worried about.

Luckily, as soon as she was born, I realized that I had been worrying for nothing, I loved her more than I could put into words.  I loved her through all her crying and screaming fits those first few weeks and I still loved her when I was changing poopy diapers 10 times a day (yes, you read that right, remember her tummy issues?)  That’s not to say that I shouldn’t love her because she’s pooping a lot or crying for hours on end!

I had no idea that my love for that little girl would change so much in such a short time.  Bella seems to be turning a major corner (I didn’t want to say anything for fear of jixing it) and she’s pooping once a day, her spitting up is manageable, she’s eating well, gaining weight, and (GASP!) sleeping through the night (and double GASP) not on me!  OMG!  This is what some parents have from the very beginning.  This is the reason why there are some people out there that have 2 babies so close together.  Now don’t get me wrong, she still has her moments like many babies her age, but she is starting to show us what a little person she is.

This is where the new love is coming in.  I am overwhelmed when I see her doing something new, watching her roll back to belly and then back again or just how she started to suck on her toes or really recognize N and I, I love this little bean.

While I was rocking her after her bottle tonight, I was thankful for the dim lights as I fought back happy mommy tears.  I am so thankful for having her in my life and if someone told me 3 months ago that it was possible to love her more, I would have told them they were lying.  I finally put her down after giving her the rest of her 1000 kiss allotment for the day and I’m going to bed with a happy heart.  This is the reason people have children.  This is what true and pure love feels like.

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