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This sucks

January 19, 2011

I was never super upset to go back to work after Isabella was born.  I actually looked at is as a kind of escape from dealing with screaming monkey all day.  That may sound terrible but at least I knew I would get a lunch break at work.  The same could not be said for a day at home with the baby.  Fast forward a few months and now I have anxiety about going to work.


I HATE leaving for work every morning.  Bell has been waking up later and later each day so I’m lucky if I get to see her for 20 minutes in the morning and she is such an early bird for bed so I only get an hour and a half with her at night.  In an ideal situation, I would be able to work part time but that is just not financially feasible right now.


I miss that little girl something fierce.


You want to hear the crazy thing?  When I do get to spend time with her, I loose my patience so easily and I start doubting my parenting abilities.  I start asking N questions like how many ounces I should be giving in her bottle, umm, I should know these things.  I am the mother.  I should be able to just make these decisions but instead, I am asking stupid questions all the time.


So now, I have no patience, I’ve pissed N off by asking a million questions, I’m mad that I have to work, I’m upset that Bella won’t take her bottle (or settle down or stop whining or sit still for a slit second) and I just want a vacation away from everything.


This sucks.  When did I get to this ugly place and how do I get out?

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