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I wish…

June 29, 2011

My wishes lately have turned into something that I’m not happy with.

*I wish I was skinnier

*I wish my hair was nicer

*I wish I was a better wife

*I wish I was funnier

*I wish I could run (seriously, this one is just funny!)

*I wish I wasn’t so accident prone

*I wish I was a better blogger

I was really thinking about this today on my way out of work.  I’ve noticed a difference in what I am thinking about since I became a mom.  I used to think that I was a pretty fearless lady, I dove with sharks, climbed some mountains, rock climbed and I was proud of my reputation as the outdoorsy-adventurous type.  But now, I cringe at the thought of walking outside without shoes (gasp! the bugs are going to touch my feet)  I’m also really in my head a lot lately, like I’m second guessing all of my moves.  I’m over analyzing just about everything and it’s beginning to take it’s toll on just about every aspect of my life and I don’t like it.

I knew that when I became a mother, fear was something that I was going to have to live with, I just had no idea that my fear would start creeping into my normal thoughts and change me so much.

As I was driving home today, it just dawned on me that I’m the only one that can make a change in what I’m dwelling on and I’ve decided to challenge myself for the month of July.  I have been craving a climb in the worst way.  I want to slip my harness on and put the chalk on my hands and just focus on the ONE thing in front of me-not falling!  So that’s what my July is going to be for me, a large obstacle broken down into small manageable moves.  I’ve got my harness, chalk and I’m on belay, if I fall, I know that N will catch me like he always does (well, there was that one time where he let me smash into the wall…)

First goal for the month: Start moving more.

I need to get in better shape, I don’t want to fight with my clothes every morning and I just want to feel better.  I know that my body is comfortable at this weight but I feel my best when I’m about 20lbs lights.  So, just like the wall, I’m breaking it down into small jumps.  I hope to lose just 5lbs a month.  Doesn’t sound like a lot but if you add that up, it will be 25lbs down by the end of the year.  I can do it!

And because I hate my blog posts without pictures, here is what I’m using for my July motivation:

Balsam Lake Mountain

Balsam Lake Mountain was the last Catskill hike I did.  I was 3 months prego with Izzy and I was terrified when I got to the top.  There was this huge fire tower that I wanted to climb but the stairs didn’t have backs to them and I have a thing with bleachers, risers, ladders or stairs without backs.  I don’t know what it is, but I am terrified of them.

Look that that beast! Super scary.

But I made it, the view from the top was amazing.

I want to live there! Surrounded by my favorite trees.

And I made N take a picture of me on the stairs to prove that I was there.


So what if my eyes were closed and I was about to pee myself.  Haha!

One Comment leave one →
  1. June 30, 2011 10:07 am

    Ya gotta be there for the Cat 3500 finish with me and Chris too!

    PS your daughter just clapped along to Wonder Red…in time with the beat!

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